A Simmering Brew

I know I have discussed this before.
According to psychological analysts, the willingness and ability to talk out a challenge helps to diffuse and solve the challenge.
Such does not seem to be the case, here.
According to the experts, it should only take about six weeks to emotionally overcome an ended relationship. Twelve weeks, at most.
It has been two years and four months. That’s one hundred and twenty months.

I still think of her every day.
I still see the light in her eyes, the radiance of her face, the beauty of her being.
I hear her voice in my head, calming and comforting my soul.
I feel her arms wrapped about me for encouragement, her lips pressed tenderly but firmly against my own for assurance.
The warmth of her body as we spoon in her bed rejuvenates my mind and enlivens my heart as we engage in deep and meaningful conversation.
Trying to hold on to and preserve two separate and distinct relationships… two mutually exclusive lives… was like trying to save a crumbling house of cards. I had to sacrifice what I’d always wanted for what was morally right.

I am left with the simmering brew of anger and regret. Angry with myself for causing the pain of others and regret that I had been selfish in the attempt.
I have not found peace in my soul for my choices.
I shall never be free.
I will always remember… and wonder… what might have been… if only.

The Essence of Being

I sense within me exactly what my challenges are. They just appear to elude my pen in being able to put them on paper into a tangible, confront able form. I get awfully close from time to time… but never quite right on the mark.
There are just certain feelings… sensations… internal truths… that are never quite definable in the three dimensional world. The existence of the fourth dimension in reference to emotions and desires is never quite quantifiable to the human mind. It exists mainly in the deepest and most precious regions of the love of the heart.
To know it… one must feel it. To understand it… one must receive it and treasure it in ones immortal soul.
It is a physical, ethereal evidence of the existence of Love, itself.
It is the essence of “Being”, manifested in the eternal “Now”.